Writing Sample For The Pools

This is my writing sample I did to practice for my actual writing assestment. I used the TREE model to design my paragraphs and sentences.

Name: Tiere Date: 18/02/15

	Hints	Main Ideas	Extra Details
Title	Remember: HOOK YOUR AUDIENCE IN! You could... use dialogue, use a sound effect, describe a character’s thoughts or feelings	Party Splash!
Reveal	Reveal your recount! Who was there? Where were you? When was it? Why did it happen? How did you get there?	As soon as I walked through the door of my class everyone was talking about how we as a school, Tamaki Primary School, were going on a trip to YMCA Panmure Lagoon Pools where the fun was going to begin but first it all happened to be at school. We, Room 10 Year 8’s, buddied up with Room 5 then we took our buddies to the bus so we could sit together with our peers. During the bus ride there were conversations roaming everywhere between friends. Little kids smiles were uplifting but their faces were curious. We had little conversations with them just to get to know them better then we arrived with welcoming smiles on our faces and screams of excitement but some people were silent as a book and just totally blank. This all happened because it was a school trip and the main highlight of this trip was to have fun as a school.	2-3 Paragraphs
Events	Tell us your story What happened? There may be 4-5 events in your story. Remember: Senses Language Features	Instructions and rules were given out by lifeguards and teachers who were responsible for our water safety and I thought that all these instructions and rules were educational and so we were learning and having fun at the same time. We all had to listen carefully to know how we could be safe in the water and outside of the water. Already you could smell the chlorine fussing in the air, you could feel the shady breeze shivering on your skin, you could hear nature calling to you like the birds shouting, the trees waving and the splashes by the pool and you could taste the embrace of salt water. Then we had a duathlon in our teams which we were organised in by leaders. When we ran we all had disgusted faces on because of the disgusting smell of the basin it had, leaving a stench of salt lingering in my mouth and nose. I could see birds being statuesque on the tree and trees waving above my head.  As soon as we got back all I could hear was stomache earthquakes so we had morning tea with our friends by the time we came back. When it was free time me and my friends went up the stairs of the hydra slide where there was a queue waiting for us. I heard ferocious screams following the next person and the next and the next and the next until all the people were gone but it was never ending. It was pitch black as soon as I stared in the face of darkness itself. I went in but I was too polite to scream so I didn’t but I laughed because it was funny but everyone else screamed their heads off and it was very exotic like entering a dark slide with water. As soon as free time finished we all were tired but then we were energetic as soon as we got to know our next activity which was the mini water park. Students reaction was funny but it was all about having fun. We all roamed the water park being cheeky to water which was hilarious concerning talking to water. It was lunchtime and everyone was provided with a sausage sizzle and ice blocks. Everyone appreciated lunchtime because of the conversations that were going on and the noise level which was acceptable since it was a whole school trip. We all had funny moments with our friends which were memorable. Then it was time to get changed and go home.	4 - 6 Paragraphs
Ending	Don’t leave us hanging! How does this story end?	The showers were fun but not as fun as the pools, getting changed was all right but not as good as getting ready to swim. Here in the pools would be memories left behind but it would be with us through pictures. The bus was sorta silent since we all missed the pools but we couldn't keep going on about how fun it was and how we were going to miss it as Year 8’s since it was our last year at this wonderful school. Then we arrived at school with dripping hair and tired faces that were red from the sun. I thought it was going to last forever but that didn’t happen which was too bad for me.                                                                                               We rested and waited until the bell rang and we could be dismissed from school and it took a long time like five minutes. During the five minutes we all just sat there silently because our mouths were too tired to speak so we let our mouths go. Reluctantly the bell rang and we were dismissed from class and home was far away and no one wanted to walk home.	1-2 Paragraphs